Don't care about anyone.

 Don't agree to try it; you're just trying to impress him. There will come a day you will not miss him anymore, but you will always miss the drugs.

 You're not going to attend Texas A&M. You'll pick a school in Kentucky for the wrong reasons, it will suck, and you'll end up back in community college. But remember that ginger tuba player from Arkansas that showed up sophomore year? You're going to marry him. And P.S., Mom sobers up.

 You never thought that you'd be getting a call from her boyfriend warning you...

 It might not seem like a big deal now, but you'll regret it. A LOT. You don't need it that badly, and they won't forgive you for it.

 Take the red pill.

 Your mother could not love you, not because of who you were but because her love for you would have sabotaged her husband’s need to divide and conquer all females.

 When you go to college, get a single room and stay away from the gingers. It will significantly improve your experience.