I loved him..and i still do.

 Don't fall for him. or him... or him. Just don't do it, you'll barely live through it. The tears you'll cry for years to come aren't worth the measure of their sum.

 Don't answer the door when you see Gandalf and a bunch of Dwarves on the other side.

 Go to your fucking classes. Idiot.

 Expect nothing, blame no one, do something. The three keys to happiness. By expecting nothing you won't be disappointed and always suprised when good things happen; blaming no one means you can move on past anger; and doing something keeps you active and happy.

 It's not shaming to ask for help, you are not as alone as you think.

 Get trauma therapy ASAP. It will prevent chronic illness and two divorces. There *is* something wrong with you - PTSD from early childhood medical trauma.

 Don't waste your time trying to justify the actions of the ones that have hurt you. When you find the right one, you'll know it and there will be nothing to justify.